Be Mine: Tips for Navigating Valentines Day When You’re TTC

Where is the Love?

Valentine’s Day means romance and passion is in the air, but for the TTC community, you are not alone if you aren’t feeling the love this holiday. It can be hard to feel sexy when getting “down and dirty” involves thermometers, calculators and calendars. During this time, your life is besieged by appointments, procedures and perpetual disappointment. It can feel like your your body is no longer your own.

There is an inner conflict between wanting to be in the mood, and gratifying your genuine need to decompress and get lost in a Bravo tv marathon. This disconnect explains why we feel guilt ridden and perpetually frustrated.

Why are we shaming ourselves?

This Valentine’s Day, break up with your guilt. There’s nothing wrong with you if you aren’t feeling flirty or frisky on February 14th. Even if you have the most loving and supportive partner, you may still experience feelings of aggravation, helplessness and rage. These are healthy emotions, and it is necessary to experience, process and work through them.

This holiday can be hard, so check out our three hot tips to spread the love this Valentine’s Day.

It can be hard to feel sexy when getting “down and dirty” involves thermometers, calculators and calendars.

Tip #1.  Call off Cupid

It’s easy to fall into the trap of letting baby-making supersede love-making. In addition to experiencing physical discomfort, your sex drive may be under siege from medication side effects and hormone surges. Another common issue is that routine vaginal ultrasounds make women feel disconnected from their bodies. It makes perfect sense that all of the emotional stress from the procedures, appointments, and day-to-day volatility will take a toll on your libido. If you are not in the mood for a blissful lovemaking session, give yourself permission to take the night off (or the month, that’s fine too). Reminder: don’t blame yourself for your feelings. They won’t last forever, and with time, you will find intimacy again.

Tip #2.  Write Yourself a Love Note

Instead of a chocolate sampler box, indulge in some decadent self-compassion. Moms-in-the-making sacrifice so much in an effort to conceive – you’ve already broken up with your wine, coffee, and rigorous daily workouts, so it’s important to find new ways of maximizing your satisfaction levels. Taking positive actions will give you more relief, self-acceptance, and increase your happiness. Each day, make it a habit to write down at least one event or moment that inspired you to feel grateful. Studies show that gratitude helps you focus on what you have instead of what you lack. As a result, you will experience improvement in authentic satisfaction and genuine fulfillment. Dealing with fertility issues can cause a lot of heartache and stress, so take back some control by acknowledging the goodness in your life.

Tip #3.  Date Night Dos and Don’ts

You can still acknowledge Valentine’s Day, but do it in a way that aligns with your truest feelings. Planning a date night, either at home or in a restaurant, can be a fun way to connect with your partner and escape some of the fertility frenzy. Make your date night dazzle by raising your awareness and holding on to pleasurable moments as they unfold. Prime yourself for a fun night by picking up an outfit that makes you feel special. Give yourself the night off from stress. Make known your decision to shelve conversations about fertility, bills or other responsibilities that cause stress or discomfort. Instead, try expressing your appreciation for your partner, and reflecting on highlights of your relationship. Strengthen your emotional connection will help you have more empathy, patience and resilience when you return to the real world.

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