It was the toughest decision I have ever made in my life.

It had been a year since I went off birth control and started trying for a baby and eight months since I learned I couldn’t ovulate on my own. 3 rounds of clomid, 3 trigger shots and 2 IUIs later, we finally got our positive. All of the very un-sexy timed intercourse, financial frustrations, relationship stress, physical and emotional pain felt like a distant memory the moment we got our positive.

At 7 weeks, we went for our first ultrasound to listen for the heartbeat. That’s when we learned there were three… as in, triplets. I was shocked at first, but then super excited until I glanced over to my mom who was in the room with us and her face was ghost white. I soon realized that a triplet pregnancy can be a very dangerous, not only for the mom but for the babies too. Now I was scared.

Weeks of deliberating, interviewing moms of triplets, talking to doctor after doctor, we made our decision to reduce to twins. It was the toughest decision I have ever made in my life. I wish so badly that I had people to talk to at the time who had actually been through this painful decision making process too. I didn’t have anyone to talk to, not because no one else ever experienced this, but because no one talks about it.

To make a long story short, we lost our entire pregnancy at 13 weeks and 1 day due to a horrible infection from the procedure that almost took my own life too. After the fertility struggle, invasive and terrifying procedures, and then a loss, my heart was broken to pieces. Now, I am trying to move forward. I am so thankful to have my health back and the ability to try again. I pray for good news to share soon. My wish is that more people talk about fertility issues so it’s not as terrifying when you’re going through it. I hope my story will continue to open doors for conversations about this challenging topic.