the issue is, it's black and white - you are either pregnant or your not.

When I got married I was 31 and we knew we wanted to have kids right away. Since I was already diagnosed with PCOS prior, I went off the birth control before my wedding and we went to see a fertility specialist as soon as we could.  I had already begun to see how difficult it was to see the negative pregnancy tests and just wanted to conceive a baby. It took over my focus and eventually, became all I could think about.

Our specialist let us know my egg supply was good which was a good sign and recommended we start trying IUIs. So we tried one, then two, then three. Each time I was put on Letrozole, which made me have mood swings and my emotions were all over the place. I switched to Clomid to see if we would have better luck after our third disappointment. My husband was extremely helpful and came to every appointment, but it wasn’t easy.

Someone said it in a way that I identified greatly with – the issue is, it’s black and white – you are either pregnant or your not. There was never anything I felt I could do to increase my chances, so I began to research on what I could do to help.

By the third IUI I was ready to give up and move onto IVF. I just wanted to be pregnant. My reading led me to a natural pregnancy specialist (Aimee Raupp) who did a consultation and recommended I change my diet and add supplements. I removed Gluten and refined sugar, and added Collagen Peptides and fish oils. I liked that her focus was to get my health to a better place and it allowed me to feel that I could make a difference. I also added acupuncture sessions into my plan.

After all of that and taking a break, we decided to try again. My husband read that it could take up to six IUIs to work. So we continued. The next two negative pregnancy tests were hard to bear and I needed a break. So I took the summer and just focused on my diet changes and mindset. It was nice to not be at the doctors every morning at 6am before work. I felt relaxed and happy for the first time in a while.

But then in October, I found out that my best friend was pregnant – on her first attempt! At this point, I had been trying and failing for a year. I was so happy for her, but sad that we had always done everything together. I was upset that our kids would not be the same age. But this made me want to start trying again.

In early November, we did our sixth IUI round…and it worked.

I gave birth to Gideon Benjamin, our miracle baby, on August 4th, 2017.

That said, there have been so many other journeys along the way. I’ve struggled with how I can get pregnant again, and what my experience will look like now that I have a son. I want more kids but by no means think it’s going to be easy. But I truly believe that having the right mindset helped me get pregnant with Gideon.

No one wants to struggle to get pregnant, but it’s been a gift in that it’s forced me to seek out others. I’ve been more open with people about how pregnancy might look, which has ultimately been an outlook that also prepared me well for parenthood. I’m not afraid to ask for help anymore. As we try for baby number two, I have hopes that it will be a different journey, but glad that I have this safe space.