I only wish I had spoken up sooner

First comes love, then comes marriage then comes…fertility treatment? Wait, what? This wasn’t the plan. We were ready to start a family and as two young, healthy people, we thought it would be easy and at first it was. The very first month we tried to conceive, we did. Fast forward six weeks, and I had my first miscarriage.

We tried again and this time got lucky by the second month. At our 7- week appointment, we were elated to see a little sac on the screen but devastated by the silence that should have been filled with a heartbeat. I started Clomid and IUIs. The 5:30am appointments before work were exhausting, the fertility drugs were making me crazy and the depression of 2 devastating losses was unbearable. My body started to shut down. My hair was getting thin and falling out. I could barely get out of bed every day to go to work. After my third miscarriage, we took a break from ovulation tests, fertility treatment and thinking about having a baby.

We planned a trip to Block Island for a long weekend and for the first time in months, we felt like us again. It felt so good to laugh, smile and reconnect as a couple. About three weeks later, I had insanely sore breasts (a symptom I had with every pregnancy). I went for a blood pregnancy test and the doctor called the next day. “I thought we were taking off this month, Lindsay?” I was pregnant! My HCG and progesterone levels were low and she said “I am not expecting this to work out but I’ve seen crazier things.” She prescribed a high dose of progesterone and 8 months later our little miracle arrived.

Every shattered piece of our hearts were put together the moment we held him. Being open about what I was going through was one of the best things I could have done for myself. I received so much support once I began opening up about my struggle from family and friends who had gone through similar experiences (which I would have never known). I only wish I had spoken up sooner.