After getting married in March 2017, my husband and I were so excited to have a baby. I have always dreamed of being a mom and couldn’t believe I was finally in the stage of my life to become one. I occasionally heard stories of people who struggled to become pregnant and many of my friends had gone through IVF. I never thought that I, too, would be someone who had a story to share about my journey.
I went off the pill in May 2017, and we began trying to get pregnant. I couldn’t believe when I got my period (as I was on the pill because I was very irregular). My period stopped and I didn’t get it for two months. My doctor diagnosed me with PCOS – Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome. I remember getting the call and crying hysterically to my husband. I had heard of PCOS but didn’t know much about it. After speaking with friends and family, I realized how common and treatable it was, and began to breathe again.
I began taking Clomid that November to help me ovulate. It worked right away – I couldn’t believe how easy it was! I found out on December 17 2017 that I was pregnant! I quickly booked my first appointment, which was scheduled for mid January 2018. It was then that my doctor informed us the baby was measuring closer to six weeks, even though I was eight weeks pregnant. She told me to wait a week and booked me an ultrasound at the hospital to see if there was any growth, as she said this could be normal and happens to other people. It was the longest week of my life. My husband and I were petrified. We both had this horrible feeling and somehow knew. The baby had no heartbeat. Two days later, I had a D&C.
I was told to wait to get my period naturally, which never happened for me. My doctor gave me medication to bring it on, and I started another round of Clomid. Around Mother’s Day, I found out I was pregnant again. When I went in for bloodwork, I found out all of my numbers dropped and I was having a chemical pregnancy. I lost the baby a few days later.
At this point, my doctor recommended that I visit a fertility clinic and see a specialist, so I booked the next available appointment. I couldn’t believe that I was seeing a fertility doctor – it was something I had heard so much about but never thought it would be me sitting in that office. I felt embarrassed and ashamed.
My bloodwork was always perfect and my uterus looked great – the doctors were never able to pinpoint what was wrong. It was a summer of Clomid and tracking ovulation, meanwhile my husband and I bought a house and were moving that September. I tried so hard to focus on the good things that were happening and planning for our new home, including which room would be for our baby that we so badly wished for.
In September, we found out we were pregnant for the third time! However, when the doctor called with the news, she said my HCG levels were low but that it can happen and I shouldn’t worry yet. I remained hopeful and told myself that there was no way I could have a third loss. I went in the next day for more bloodwork and sure enough, the numbers dropped.
At this point, I was beyond lost. I couldn’t even go on social media without breaking down into tears – all of my friends were starting families and I just felt stuck. To help myself cope and relax, I began going to yoga classes and seeing an acupuncturist. I couldn’t recommend this enough!
We decided to begin IUI treatments. My first attempt was October 2018 – I was monitored so closely, I basically lived at the doctor’s office. I even started running into friends and colleagues – each time we saw each other we’d just roll our eyes and say, here we go again. It was really helpful having people to talk to who were going through similar situations. I also started receiving trigger shots at this time to make sure I ovulated. My first and second rounds were unsuccessful. I decided I was only going to do three rounds before starting IVF.
It was now December 2018. I was a week away from having my third IUI and my husband and I decided it may be time to find a new doctor. I went for my consultation and planned my first round of IVF. I’m a teacher and I remember thinking, how am I going to have time for this? Do I quit my job? It all seemed so overwhelming and I broke down in her office. On the other hand, I felt relieved to know that there was a plan in place and I would be well taken care of. We decided to still give our last IUI a try. The new doctor said she was hopeful for us, which helped me to stay positive, and that hopefully I wouldn’t have to call her to begin treatment.
On January 18, 2019, the same nurse who contacted me with past results, called me with such excitement in her voice to tell me I was pregnant and my numbers were incredible! I cried at my desk as I called my husband to tell him. Because of our tough journey, I didn’t allow myself to get too excited and still thought of every which way the pregnancy could go wrong.
19 has always been my lucky number. On New Year’s Day, a close friend told my husband and me that this would be our year. I just kept repeating that to myself over and over again.
We had some scares along the way, but overall I had a wonderful pregnancy. I appreciated it every single day and reminded myself how lucky we were. On September 24, 2019, my husband and I welcomed our son. There are moments when I still can’t believe he is here and that I carried him for nine months. There were days when I never thought this would happen for us, but it did and I couldn’t be more grateful. Although the journey was unbearable at times, I wouldn’t take any of it back. It made my husband and I stronger as individuals, as a couple and resulted in our beautiful baby boy!