It's been a really hard ride of limited joy, excessive heartbeat and self realization.

I’m Ledon and I’m 30 years old. Myself and my husband have been together for 12 years. On our second date we discussed having children since there was no point of a 3rd date if we didn’t agree. We both knew that we desperately wanted children when the time was right.

Confronting Unexplained Infertility

In 2016, two years after our wedding, we decided to start actively trying. We naively thought that it would happen right away. We were both healthy and young with no medical issues. Month after month of negative results started to take its toll on me. I struggled with the idea that it may never happen. After being officially diagnosed with unexplained infertility we decided to pursue IUI. After 5 failed IUIs we decided to do an exploratory laparoscopy. We found out that I had endometriosis and premature ovarian failure.

Amazingly, the month after surgery I got pregnant for the first time. Everything was perfect. I was so happy. We saw our baby’s heartbeat at 7 weeks and there were no problems. At 9w2days, we had our next ultrasound. The baby was the right size but no longer had a heartbeat. My heart was crushed. It was a whirlwind of sorrow over the next few weeks.

The Next Step: IVF

We decided to start trying again right away and managed to get pregnant again. This time tragically ending before 5 weeks. That was last March. Since then I have done 3 more failed IUIs and decided to pursue IVF. I fundraised for 3 months and raised half of what I needed, but with POF and limited time left to my Fertility we decided to take on the rest of the cost in debt.

Unfortunately my first fresh transfer failed. I was pregnant, but it ended in a chemical. This was my third loss and what now puts me in the recurrent loss category. I have 6 frozen embryos waiting. My province doesn’t have an IVF clinic, so they’re safely stored 4,000 miles from my house. It’s inconvenient and adds a lot of expenses, but it was our only option.

A Hopeful Road Ahead

Right now I’m cautiously optimistic. I know I have 6 embryos and that’s great, but that’s it for us. With 3 miscarriages under my belt and my disappearing fertile years, I’ve had to adjust my mindset to prepare my mind that it might not work for us. It’s been a really hard ride of limited joy, excessive heartbeat and self realization. Hopefully we’ll be one of those happy endings that I read about, but I’ve learned that there are no guarantees in life. You just have to give it your all and wait to see what happens.