Two summers ago, my husband and I decided we were ready to have a baby. Little did we know that moment was the beginning of an incredibly draining, lonely & emotional journey to try and conceive. Until that journey began, I never really failed at anything; I never wanted something I couldn’t work really hard and get. All of the sudden, life turned into an all-consuming fertility struggle.
After over a year of trying naturally, we went to a fertility doctor where I was immediately diagnosed me with PCOS. The “easiest” solution was fertility drugs that force ovulation + timed intercourse (which is about as romantic as it sounds). But there was no guarantee it would work even after all the time, effort and money we would be putting in. But this was the only path forward and we jumped in with timid optimism. First Clomid for 2 months. No dice. Then Clomid with IUI. Still nothing. So we switched to a new drug, Letrozole. The first month it didn’t work. I was ready to give up but we decided to try Letrozole one more time with IUI and this time I also did acupuncture for good measure. IT WORKED!
I was in shock. It took me weeks to believe it was real and when it finally sank in, it was easy to forget the brutal almost 2 year journey we went through. It just disappeared. But I can’t pretend it never happened. Can’t pretend that it was easy or that we planned it this way. All of that BS only perpetuates the viscous cycle of silence that is infertility.
I’m sharing our real story to beat the stigma. I didn’t know how common infertility was and how unpredictable and unfair and maddening it would be. I didn’t know it could threaten your spirit, your sanity, your confidence, your relationship. I didn’t know these secrets…until they became my secrets. I share this because if these are ever your secrets, you must know that you’re not alone. There’s millions of us #ttc ladies (and our silent hero partners). Don’t keep those secrets. Talk to someone, anyone (talk to me!!). And don’t be ashamed, or embarrassed, even for a second. You’re not failing. You’re not damaged. It’s not you. It’s Mother Nature. And she’s a real bitch sometimes.