It was happening all over again

My fertility journey started with a nice and easy dream to get married and have a baby shortly after. I fell pregnant soon after we returned home our honeymoon. On June 14, 2015 I would have a natural miscarriage. The ultrasound we had in early June showed that the baby was 6 weeks and 1 day with no cardiac activity. We didn’t know what that meant. I thought it was just too early to see the heartbeat. Two weeks later the baby passed while I was at home. I was in complete denial. I didn’t deal with my loss at all, until one day (a few months later) when it finally hit me. I took a Self-Care Dare Challenge where I drove to Vancouver by myself and practiced self-care activities. This would bring me to attending a yoga series that would change my future.

In 2016, I entered into a world that I didn’t know much about. A world of tracking temperatures, cervical fluid, fertility medication, peeing on sticks, and so much more. A friend and I started a local fertility support group for women in our area (PG Fertility Support Group). I am so grateful for this amazing group of women who have aided me on this extremely challenging journey.

After receiving my first round of Clomid in October of 2016, we again received our beautiful wish. We were pregnant! Two weeks later, on a trip to the emergency room, where we were told that the “HCG levels have dropped to 100.” It was happening all over again. I collapsed physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.

I was sent for a recurrent pregnancy loss blood work and more tests. I’m still waiting for all the results but they seem to have found something to look at: my blood clotting factors. It was a rough start to 2017 but two words kept coming up all around me: New Beginnings. I was in still a fragile state but I knew I needed to heal and to support myself. I started a new challenge #Darriens100DaysofHealing finding something to do to support my healing process every day. I’m currently on Day 41. I see my own strength and resilience coming through in this experience. I’m currently my 2nd round of Clomid, and hopeful that our spirit baby will be with us soon.