I have wanted to be a mom for as long as I can remember. Not “when the timing was right,” or after I’d traveled the world, etc. Nope. For me, I’ve wanted to have a baby forever. So, after marrying my wonderful husband, Gabe, we wasted no time trying for a baby. For 4 years we were met with nothing but heartache and disappointment. During that time we endured 2 miscarriages, 5 rounds of clomid, 1 IUI, 3 rounds of unsuccessful IVF, 1 varicocele surgery for hubby and one failed adoption.
Several doctors ran every single test humanly possible on me and I passed each one with flying colors (Hubby passed his tests too!). My body seemed perfectly primed for parenthood! When I was diagnosed with “Unexplained Infertility,” I was crushed. Almost 4 years after we first started trying, the tides turned and we committed to adopting our beautiful son Grant. He wasn’t born yet, but we were hopeful that he would be ours. A week after meeting our birth mom, I miraculously discover I’m pregnant! No IVF, no fertility treatments, nothing!
Even though I’d been told I’d never be able to get pregnant, I had remained hopeful that pregnancy would happen and finally it was a reality. Grant was born in March of 2016 (6.5 weeks early), and in August 2016, Grant became a big brother to our darling rainbow baby, Gianna! These two miracles are just 5 months apart- my “almost twins!” To say those 4 years were a devastating and debilitating time for us as a couple is an understatement. When you want to have a baby it feels like the whole dang world is pregnant but you. Baby Showers, family events, get togethers with friends… all became too difficult.
At times I struggled with even leaving the house. Struggle in fear of seeing a cute baby and sinking deeper into depression. I started to talk openly about my fertility struggles. The secret that had weighed me down for so long. I was able to connect with other women (and a few guys too!) who were dealing with infertility or had already conquered it. Even if you know the stats (1 in 8) it’s really nice to know you’re not alone on this hellish roller coaster ride.